How to Win an Election

No weapons of mass destruction, but...

Ooops did I say see you in September?

Well, since I'm on a roll (of some sort), I wanted to close out the official summer season with one more entry:

With November elections on their way, the war in Iraq becoming unpopular at home (hey, this is not a slight on "our troops,") and the Repugnicans worried there will be fallout, and god forbid, the "godless, chicken-s**t cut and run" Democrats may actually be able to balance out power in this country after the executive branch has pretty much hijacked the legislative process, I have a theory. (And run-on sentences galore.)

First of all, I want you readers to realize something--as pointed out by a guest on the Bill Maher show at the end of last season (by the way, Bill Maher is back). All those Dept. of Homeland Security Code Red, White and Blue (or whatever) alerts pretty much stopped exactly after the last presidential election. Did you notice that? Not that we're any safer--a bunch of planes just got grounded, and now we can't bring liquids in the air. But they stopped drawing attention to the atmosphere of fear. Watch those alerts start up again as we head into the fall.

Now we've got Dick Cheney saying that an "early" (isn't it a little late for "early"?) withdrawal from Iraq would increase the possibility of terrorist attacks in the US. This is only about a week (see article) after Bush himself finally said that there was no connection between September 11 and the invasion of Iraq.

In seemingly unrelated news (and probably the only thing anyone will remember this week), that creepy guy (did Jonathan Demme take his mug shots?) who confessed to killing JonBenet Ramsey will not be charged because his DNA did not match.

So, finally we have a reason to justify the war in Iraq. Okay, no WMD. But it is very possible that Saddam Hussein will be shown to be the actual culprit in the JonBenet case. So there we go! Everything does get tied up in the end... just like on tee vee. (It's up to Larry King, John Walsh, and Nancy Grace, though, to figure out how Saddam got her in his spiderhole.) And last I heard, Scott Peterson was claiming that he saw a swarthy mustached man in a beret and military uniform hanging around his house before he went fishing a couple of Christmases ago. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Oh, and in case anyone was, like myself, somewhat amused that China will someday inherit the mantle of world superpower (and likely inherit what's left of the earth), this article should give you a little pause. At least here in the US, we only let little children drive cars!!!!

Posted: Mon - August 28, 2006 at 02:20 PM