I Love Paris

...in the slammer

If you're not following the latest Paris Hilton story, well, I have nothing but admiration for you. I try not to hear it, but before I can get to the news about the Middle East (all of it--Iraq, Iran, Palestine); Darfur; the ineffective Congress; our stubborn dim-witted President; the battle for the White House--a year before it even starts; a space shuttle that is pretty much the condition of a 1965 Olds '88; obscene gas prices and outrageous oil-company profits; oh, and, I guess the other two Bimbos of the Apocalypse (that phrase from the NY Post) Britney and Lindsay. In fact, on CNN last night, legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin was asked about Paris Hilton a few segments before he was asked about Scooter Libby. Now that's keepin' them honest, Anderson Cooper.

I've come to believe that Paris is at the intersection of ignorance and arrogance (an example set by our Chief Exec, of course), and I'm afraid her overblown yet insignificant presence may come to symbolize what much of the world sees in America these days. She is spoiled, she is stupid (the press kindly calls it "spelling-challenged"--now she says it's an act), foul-mouthed, self-centered, she drinks too much, and whines like a baby. And a role model to MILLIONS of American girls. A month or so ago, CNN.com had a pretty sad video of Paris letting loose with all sorts of epithets: racial, sexual, and social (economic), if you have any doubt about the girl's true nature.

I'd rather not give you the "backstory." If you don't know it, again, you're lucky, and why not go on to read some more informative blog on the Web. Something, perhaps, about the fact our American Iraq fatalites (i.e., dead young Americans) exceed 3500 (with about 25,000 wounded) and that Greenland is melting far faster than even Al Gore imagined.

However, as a former journalist, I am compelled to give background: Hilton is really paying the price not for drunken driving, but for thinking she is above the law after the repercussions of her drunken driving. For the initial act, in Jan of this year, she pled no contest and was sentenced to three years of probation and $1500 in fine (which is pocket lint for her). Two other traffic stops landed Hilton back in court--driving on a suspended license and later violating her probation.

So she's been to jail, back to her home under "house arrest" for medical problems (looks pretty healthy to me...crazy, yes, but they knew that when they sentenced her. Perhaps they didn't want her to give STDs to the guards?), back to a prison medical ward, and now back to jail. I think the other day she found god. Hopefully she finds her panties, too.

Isn't it pathetic enough that the rest of the world (except Albania!) laughs at us for our Great Decider--do we have to broadcast to the world, and to outer space, god knows where that will wind up--the example of American womanhood that is Paris Hilton and our society's warped sense of celebrity justice? Is there any way we can throw her in a cell with Scott Peterson? We'd find out by the end of her sentence how guilty he really is. And, by the way, isn't there some other Heiress of Accommodations we can follow while Paris is incarcerated? Isn't there a Little Miss Motel 6 somewhere?

Well, no, I guess as Humphrey Bogart uttered: "We'll always have Paris." Unless she takes a page from Anna Nicole's book. My fingers are crossed.

Posted: Thu - June 14, 2007 at 01:00 PM